Let’s Talk

Why do we talk?

Talking is something that is unique to human and we spend a lot of time doing it each day. It is the cause of many problems, but solves many others at the same time.

If we do not talk, the consequences from communication breakdowns can be equally dire – offices would not be able to function; transportation systems will fail; among other doomsday scenarios.

At the personal level, failure to talk may result in unnecessary mental stress, built from locked up frustrations and emotions over a long period.

I never had trouble opening up and I am grateful I have a few trusted friends whom I can confide in when I need to. Not all men are so forthcoming though. Many of us have inflated macho ego which we cannot let go, even when we really should be crying for help.

Recently, a friend of mine committed adultery in a moment of weakness. He was not happy. He felt guilty towards his wife and he knew there is no future in the relationship. The affair was affecting his work, family life and mental wellbeing. He could not bring himself to talk about it to anyone, but finally confided in me when I pointed out some obvious changes in his behavior (eg. sneaky and heavy use of his mobile phone when he hardly even text anyone previously; snappy and easily irritable attitude towards his wife).

I am glad I caught it early.

My friend told me he even contemplated suicide. SUICIDE.

Goodness, over something like this?

He has a wife who love him very much, a happy family and a good career. Suicide?

Seriously?

My friend and I had a few long chats after that. I try not to interfere too much into his life. Regardless if he choose to divorce his wife or break off the affair, it was his life, his choice.

I did advise him to break off the affair and try to rekindle the love with his wife when they first married. I do not know if he did what I told him, but when I last met him, he looks happier.

I think all he needed was an outlet to release all his pent up frustrations and stress.
The incident may seem trivia to outsiders, but to my friend, he viewed it as a matter of life-and-death.

Which brings me to the topic of death and life-threatening illnesses like AIDS and cancers – if people find it difficult to talk about adultery, these topics will be even harder to bring up.

As open as I am, I have difficulty visualising myself breaking something like that to my family and loved ones, especially when I know I am the key breadwinner and anchor support in the household. Would they feel betrayed? Would I be deemed as a burden?

Here’s an interesting flash mob video I came across, on the important topic of Cancer:

Having good emotional support from friends and family helps!

After watching this video, what are your thoughts?

Let’s talk.

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4 thoughts on “Let’s Talk”

  1. Your friend is fragile can. Where got people suicide over having affair? It is to be celebrated! Cancer is different though. A few years back, one of my best buddy whom I play soccer with was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was devastated and saw his world crashing. Didn’t know how to break it to his family and was going suicidal worrying about their livelihood. That is scary.

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