Stupid Things People Ask – Tee-Shirts

Mr White via email:

I want to know whether you can have blank tee shirts for sale?

Brand ::Gildan
Size ::Adult Small
Color ::500 White and 500 Army Green
::50/50 % Cotton/Polyester
Qtys ::1000

Can you kindly let me know the total cost…

Thank you

Rely from me via email:

Hi Eddie,

Thanks for enquiring and putting faith in me to start a tee-shirt printing business.

To buy a tee-shirt printing machine plus ink, this will cost me about S$1000 (based on prices I checked online).

Tee-shirts are sold at S$20 a piece. Labour cost will be S$10,000 since I have to hire someone to do this. I will also need to rent a factory at around S$15,000.

Total cost will be (S$20 x 1000) + S$10000 + S$1000 + S$15000 = S$46,000.

Would you like to pay by cash, cheque or credit card?

Thank you.

Best regards,
Alvin

Mr White’s reply via email:

I just need a Gildan blank tee shirts only can you let me know the total cost 1000 blank tee shirts of 500 White Tee Shirts and 500 Army Green Tee Shirts with shipping to the address below : ::
111 TUDOR PLACE # 1D
BRONX
10452
NY

Me via email:

Dude… seriously?

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Stupid Things People Ask – Youth.SG

This is a collection of some of my encounters in my previous job as the Portal Manager at Youth.SG:

1. URL

Dumbo (on the phone): Hi, is this Youth-Dot-S-G?
Me: Yes, how can I help you?
Dumbo: Hi, may I know what is the URL for Youth-Dot-S-G?
Me: …. it is Youth-Dot-S-G.
Dumbo: But what is the URL? Is it I have to type W-W-W-Dot-Youth-Dot-S-G?
Me: Yes.
Dumbo: Thank you for the help!

2. Crumpler Bag

Stylo (via email): I noticed recently that a lot of my friends are carrying this sling bag with a logo of a little man with hands raised, jumping. The bag is nice. Do you know what brand it is?
Me: I think the logo is the jumping boy for Wang Wang rice crackers. They sometime give stickers of the jumping boy with purchase of a large packet. You can check out the nearest NTUC to buy it and get the sticker to stick on a sling bag.

3. Football (I got more than a dozen similar phone calls like the one below)

Nigerian (on the phone): Hi, is this Youth-Dot-S-G?
Me: Yes.
Nigerian: Hi my name is Tom and I would like to come Singapore to play football. Can you advise me on how to get money from Youth.SG to fly me to Singapore for a trial? I am very good at football and I am 18 years old… (went on and on about his passion for football and wish to play football in Singapore)
Me: Hi, we are youth website for Singaporeans and not a football club or sports council.
Nigerian: I see. Can you connect me to someone who can help me to go to Singapore to play football?
Me: … …

Whether you are a blogger, service staff, McDonald’s restaurant manager or in any occupation whereby you have to deal with stupid people asking stupid things, you are welcome to share your stories for broadcast on this blog. Send your story to alvinologist@gmail.com 

Stupid Things People Ask – Translation Service

This person must have read my post on buying Hello Kitty from China via Taobao.com and wrote me this fun email.

Poor E is not very resourceful with translation.

From E@gmail.com to Me:

Hi Alvin,

I saw your blog on buying hello kitty via taobao.
But I can’t read chinese after clicking the link.

I saw the seller is selling 190 yuan for the entire set. Does it come with original packaging box? Hope you can help me to read.
http://item.taobao.com/item.htm?spm=2013.1.0.109.tQ8BhO&scm=1007.77.0.0&id=18747665719&pvid=85df2ec7-ffad-4e71-aece-cbf621d442b6&ad_id=&am_id=&cm_id=&pm_id=

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you.
E

From Me to E@gmail.com:

Hi E,

You heard of Google Translate? 🙂

Cheers,
Alvin

Whether you are a blogger, service staff, McDonald’s restaurant manager or in any occupation whereby you have to deal with stupid people asking stupid things, you are welcome to share your stories for broadcast on this blog. Send your story to alvinologist@gmail.com 

Stupid Things People Ask – JB Day Trip

I read a book titled Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops recently. The book is a collection of stupid and strange things people ask bookshop owners and staff.

The level of stupidity is incredulous. Here is a classic from the book:

“CUSTOMER: Hi, I just wanted to ask: did Anne Frank ever write a sequel?
BOOKSELLER: ……..
CUSTOMER: I really enjoyed her first book.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary?
CUSTOMER: Yes, the diary.
BOOKSELLER: Her diary wasn’t fictional.
CUSTOMER: Really?
BOOKSELLER: Yes… She really dies at the end – that’s why the diary finishes. She was taken to a concentration camp.
CUSTOMER: Oh… that’s terrible.
BOOKSELLER: Yes, it was awful –
CUSTOMER: I mean, it’s such a shame, you know? She was such a good writer.”

Upon finishing the book, it dawned on me that stupid people email me all the time with all sorts of nonsensical queries after reading my blog.

They think that I am a know-it-all or the beaming light who is the solution of all their woes.

In the past, I will just ignore these emails or drop them a polite thank you reply if I am in a good mood.

Today, I am inspired to start a new content category on my blog – “Stupid Things People Ask”. This will feature all the stupid emails I receive which I feel are dumb enough that they deserve to be broadcast to a wider audience for nomination to the Darwin Award.

Here’s the first one to start off the series.

From Dxxxx@gmail.com to me:

So… I heard you want to visit JB? Instead of going to a tour agency, you email a blogger?

Email title: jb day trip

Hi I wish to know your rates for minibus hire from Singapore to JB.

We want to go to these places :

1. visit showflats in setia cascadia
2. goto Desaru beach
3. goto Johor Premium Outlet

We have 4 adults and 2 young kids. We plan to go on Saturday or Sunday morning and return within the day.

Please let me know your charges.

Dxxx
Financial Consultant

Me to Dxxx@gmail.com:

Hi,

S$50,000 per pax per day.

Let me know if you are still interested?

Dxxx@gmail.com to Me:

50,000 ??????? what you talking ?

Me to Dxxx@gmail.com:

Hi,

I write a blog and do not operate a tour agency.

In order to take up your assignment, I need to purchase a mini van and start an agency.

$50k per pax is quite cheap if you are familiar with the COE prices in Singapore.

Let me know if you are still keen. I can then proceed to purchase the van.

Cheers
Alvin

Whether you are a bookshop owner, McDonald’s restaurant manager or in any occupation whereby you have to deal with stupid people asking stupid things, you are welcome to share your stories for broadcast on this blog. Send your story to alvinologist@gmail.com